Sorry, y'all. I've been an idiot.

A swift spiritual kick in the pants.

From our recent snowfall in middle Georgia. No real ties to this post but I enjoy the picture and hope you do too.

“Alright man, that’s enough. It’s time to stop being a little bitch.”

Okay, I know this is not what you expect from Seeking The Narrow, and I will go ahead and apologize. It is out of character. I strive not to use such language (written or spoken), but this is what I’ve had to say to myself to get my mind right. Allow me to explain.

I’ve been in some sort of funk. I don’t know if it’s a bit of seasonal affective disorder (the winter has been abnormally brutal here in Georgia) or a different type of depression, but I’ve allowed a strange “woe is me spirit” to take hold and bring me down. I’ve let it convince me I have nothing valuable to say, I’m a terrible writer, I have no creative ability whatsoever, and these Substack pages have been a huge waste of time.

It’s also manifested in other areas of my life making me a bitter and pitiful man at times. Internally, I’ve blamed this feeling on illnesses, my youngest child’s sleep regressions, and the general fatigue that comes from life with small children, but I’ve known these to be excuses for slothfulness. Leave it to the writers of Substack to spur me on.

I’ve had encouragement from Scoot, who has become a true friend, to get back into fiction, and I am working toward that goal. But it was Andy Futuro’s recent note that pushed me to JUST WRITE SOMETHING. ANYTHING!

Andy is on to something! You can’t grow your abilities if you don’t use them. There I was, feeling sorry for myself that I’ve got nothing to publish, yet I’ve done nothing to change my situation. Beginner guitar players can’t become great guitar players if they don’t play guitar. Weightlifters make no gains away from the bar. AND WRITERS DON’T GET BETTER IF THEY NEVER WRITE!

The note hit me at the right time and, for whatever reason, forced me to seriously consider my situation. For months I had been thinking I was just not in the right headspace and that nothing seemed to be going right. But then I thought, “What in the world do you have to feel sorrowful about anyway?” I’ve got a beautiful wife of 10+ years, two incredible daughters, a nice modest home, and a job that allows said beautiful wife to stay at home! And on top of all that (*huge announcement here*) my wife and I are expecting a baby boy in June! I have absolutely no reason to be downcast but have every reason to ceaselessly praise God for the unbelievable abundance of good in my life.

Baby boy Petty is due in June!

Mind you, these thoughts were swirling inside my head Monday morning as I started getting ready for work. You know how it goes: you go through your routine while thinking things through when you begin staring yourself down in the bathroom mirror1. At that moment, the epiphany of my countless blessings came to me and I realized I had no reason to be melancholy. So I looked at myself in the mirror and said (internally), “Alright man, that’s enough. It’s time to stop being a little bitch. Do the work.”

That’s harsh, I know. I don’t normally think that way, but it was a helpful kick in the pants I needed to push me out of my self-inflicted misery. But what am I to do to get back on track? I started pondering what I did differently when I was a more consistent publisher. A few things came to mind:

• I was reading more Holy Scripture.

• I was spending more time in prayer.

• I was reading for fun. Both books and Substack publications. Fiction and nonfiction.

• I was exercising more regularly.

• I was spending less time on social media and my phone.

I can’t tell you how relieved (and slightly dumb) I feel for thinking this through. All this is very obvious in retrospect, but I needed this moment to be honest with myself that I’ve not been well spiritually and that has caused me to be unwell in every other area. So how will I combat these problem issues:

• Read more Holy Scripture.

• Pray consistently by dedicating specific time to prayer or joining a novena.

• Read for fun. I’ve actually already finished a book this year so that’s off to a pretty good start!

• Exercise more consistently.

• Form a plan to keep screen time limited to work and set time constraints on Substack reading.

Now that I have a plan, I feel it’s important to restate goals and add a note on the theme change to this publication.

Goals

• I will, from here on out, publish one-to-two free essays per month on what it means to live out my faith in Jesus Christ.

• I will also revive the Lend Your Ear section of this Substack and begin to publish more essays on the music I love and the meaning it brings to my life.

• I will revive fiction writing over at Narrowtives and will publish free poems and short stories when possible.

A note on the theme change

The theme change here at Seeking the Narrow serves two purposes:

1. A simple revamp. It was something to get the juices flowing and to use my creative brain a little bit. I’ve always loved contrast and also wanted to make sure it was easy to read. Also, Catholic friends, I used a bit of Marian blue as a nod to the Blessed Virgin Mary. And if you’re really curious, the flower used in the publication's wordmark and square logo is a Morning Glory, also a nod to Mary.

2. Ultimately, I know the theme doesn’t matter as much as the content so I will focus on improving my writing more than anything. It’s important I actually strive to be a man of God instead of just striving to look like one.

I also want to take a moment to apologize to my readers. It means something to allow someone space in your inbox and I’m fortunate enough to have nearly 350 people who’ve decided to do that. And for me to disregard that is a way of insulting your decision. Thank you for your time and attention. I’m truly grateful to have you hear and appreaciate that you find something worthy of reading. May God bless you all.

P.S. I leave you with a song that’s been encouraging me lately. Enjoy!